Keeping in mind your partner’s positives rather than always focusing on his/her negatives especially when talking about which characters, attitudes, behaviours, and actions to encourage and which ones to discourage or reduce in the marriage relationship. This is what I call adjustment. Adjustment is not easy, but a necessary evil in marriage if it is to succeed. A wife or husband when the need arises should satisfy the other by reducing or increasing acclimatized behaviour. For example, a spouse who is bad tempered must be willing to reduce(adjustment) such behaviour in marriage and the other spouse who is not must be more tolerant(adaptation). Another example could be seen in sex, where one couple may like too much sex such that he/she wants it everyday, the one who like too much sex must adjust to reduce it a bit and the one who does not must adapt to increase his/her sex life.
In order to adapt or adjust in marriage, the following suggested issues should be hallowed;
A party to the marriage should accept that marriage could be saddled with a challenge or two and that it is normal. This helps couples in a way to develop in a positive manner.
Know that your spouse is imperfect and so be tolerant of his/her differences as and when there is a need by not taking records of his/her wrongdoings.
Identify and capitalize on your spouse’s good mood and calmness to talk about disagreements. Disagreement in marriage should never be nursed or else in the future, it may be injurious to the success of the marriage.
Understand that there is a need to do away with some of your characters, attitudes, and behaviours that are threats to the success of the marriage. Be prepared to accept new necessary realities.
Patience removes mountains. The workable solution to a disagreement does not come easy but patience will fish it out for you. Both parties to the marriage should be patient with each other.
Try as much as possible to disassociate your families from marital conflict resolution. It is better to seek the opinions of a marriage counselor or someone with a good pedigree and experience in marriage. You should seek neutral persons’ opinions when you were unable to resolve your conflicts. The person you consult should not be friends and acquaintances, but very neutral to the marriage. Again the neutral person’s opinions should be evaluated in terms of whether or not it will be good for the good health of the marriage before.